First Topic: Uppity Bitches.

I am so over it, y'all. I never realized, being the mother of daughters, that I'd be dealing with so much drama. I mean, I expected drama FROM my daughters, because we all know how little girls are, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the women who are polluting my very LIFE. These women, who run the Girl Scout troops and the PTA, and the classroom parties. These moms, in their Ugg boots and their SUVs. The hardcore vegans who slug down wine all night. The ones who run the prayer chain, so they can hear all the inside gossip under the guise of "lifting people up." These moms, who smile and wave, and then talk shit about you before you're barely out of earshot. THESE MOMS, who are raising THESE GIRLS.

These girls, who walk around the playground in packs, shit-talking about all the other girls in the 3rd grade who aren't wearing the right kind of shoes. Am I SO old and antiquated, that it would seem foreign to me that THIRD GRADERS have abandoned the playground in favor of chillin' on the grassy knoll? These girls, who perfectly imitate their mothers through their words, gestures, and body language. These girls AND these moms who vilify anyone who isn't a cookie cutter carbon copy of every other suburban female, with a Bump-It in her ponytail.

I never thought it would be so damned difficult to raise up my children to be friendly and confident, and to value their own uniqueness as well as the differences that make each of us awesome and special. I see my kids becoming jaded because they've been picked on SO MUCH for petty things that shouldn't matter, and it's largely because these asshole mothers lead their girls by example, teaching them exactly how to be snotty, backstabbing bitches, starting in preschool.

And don't even get me started on the pussy husbands who put up with this behavior, sometimes even ENCOURAGING it. What? What is it? It's like I've stumbled into some strange, foreign tribe of dickbags, who don't practice the same social rules that normal people do. I'm normal, right? Right? It's normal to want to live your life without drama and bullshit...RIGHT?